We’re not superstitious, but January makes us a little jumpy. Three years ago on Superbowl Sunday, our house caught on fire during halftime. Two years ago January, Matthew began complaining of a headache that led to his diagnosis ten days later. Last year, Matthew spent all of January in the hospital, completing one stem cell transplant and starting a second one. In that same month, Jon’s dad Larry passed away.
This January, we’re in a more hopeful place – we currently stand at Day 356 post transplant, inching ever closer to the mystical one-year mark – but the days can’t pass quickly enough. We have 20 days to go before Matthew’s implant gets “activated.”
Matthew is doing ok, but it’s very rough for him to get by with practically no hearing whatsoever. He still has a small amount of hearing in the unimplanted ear; however, his implanted ear is now 100% deaf. Although we knew this would be a difficult period, it was still a shock for him to put on ear buds and hear no sound whatsoever and for us to see our child become even more impaired.
The first few days after surgery were especially difficult. Matthew was exhausted physically and emotionally. For the first 48 hours, he had to wear a funny Styrofoam contraption (like a lopsided version of an early model football helmet) and was supposed to keep his head in an elevated position. These two factors made it difficult for him to sleep comfortably. But I know his exhaustion was also due to the increased energy now required for hearing. So, the weekend was a bit tough. Here we were, worn out from the hospital experience, tending to Matthew’s physical needs (removing the bandage, dressing the incision, sticking to a medication schedule), having to expend more energy just to talk with him, trying to manage our frustration and emotional distress, trying to muster some enthusiasm for the weekend (after all, it was New Year’s Eve) and some perspective (things are going to get better, look where we were last year at this time). You get the picture…
Somehow Matthew has gathered the energy to go back to school. I don’t quite know how he’s getting by. It’s hard to imagine the strength and courage it must take at 15 to go to school every day bald, tired, and unable to hear most of what’s going on around him, yet facing his friends, his teachers, and a demanding workload.
On the home front, much of my energy is still tied up in managing Matthew’s needs – helping him organize his schoolwork (memory and organization are even bigger challenges than they were before), driving him to tutors, keeping in touch with the school, interfacing with doctors, following up with the insurance company.
And we’re facing a lot of difficult questions as parents. On one hand, we know this is the age for Matthew to start taking more responsibility for himself. On the other hand, we recognize that he is dealing with some major challenges and disabilities and has basically lost a year and a half. So how much should we intervene?
Do we tell our 15-year old when to go to bed – or allow him to stay up until midnight doing homework night after night when, in our case, there’s more at stake than his falling asleep in class the next day. There are real concerns about his immune system.
And if Matthew accidentally leaves his FM system (the lavaliere microphone his teachers wear, which transmits their voice wirelessly from the front of the classroom directly to his hearing aids) at home, do we run it over to the school because ,without it, he won’t be able to hear anything in class that day? Or do we allow him to go without it to realize the natural consequences of his actions?
On the social front, do we allow him to go on a weekend trip with a friend – or say “no” because being on the slopes is too great a risk until his hearing improves? Must we permit some risk in order for him to learn to live with his disability? To what extent should we act to protect him?
Taking a step back, it occurs to us that last January these concerns could not have been farther from our minds. So aren’t we fortunate even to be considering these questions?
This weekend, we will see a performance of “Stomp” at the National Theater. It’s a show involving percussion, movement and visual comedy, where the performers make “music” out of all kinds of common objects – brooms, trashcans, pipes, etc. No words are spoken. Should be the perfect theater outing for our hearing-challenged crew.
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